I'll Be Here
by Cyhyr
Summary: Sasuke leaves once again, and Naruto's torn between wanting to understand why and just giving up completely. SasuNaru, possible suicide triggers, oneshot.


Disclaimer: well, no.

A/N: My first in the Naruto fandom... I know that Naruto's a little ooc, and I know the ending sucks.

The little ditty in italics near the end are lyrics from "You Be the Anchor That Keeps My Feet on the Ground, I'll Be the Wings That Keep Your Heart in the Clouds" by Mayday Parade.

* * *

><p><span>I'll Be Here<span>

Naruto stood watching the door and wishing it would open again. His whole body was shaking, his fists were clenched, and he was replaying those last words Sasuke said to him over and over again in his head.

"I love you. Good-bye."

Not "see you later," like if he were just going out for the day or an extended mission. "Good-bye," like Sasuke knew without a shadow of a doubt he wouldn't be coming back. He had tried, Naruto assumed, to leave without talking to him at all, but that stupid little note left on his bedside table wasn't nearly enough for Naruto, and he ran to Sasuke's place for an explanation.

But, of course, he didn't get one.

Just four words, a kiss on the cheek, and the whiff of Sasuke's hair as he turned away.

* * *

><p>Naruto stayed in Sasuke's house all day, eventually moving away from the door to sit on the bed. He knew he'd be able to hear Sasuke when he came home.<p>

_If he came home_.

It started to get dark when he heard a knock on the door. He jumped, immediately thinking of Sasuke, and ran to the door. But it wasn't until he opened the door and saw that Sakura was standing there did he realize…

Sasuke wouldn't have knocked on his own door.

"Naruto…" She pulled him into a tight hug, and they held each other.

"I can't believe he left again," Naruto whispered.

He didn't realize he was crying until Sakura reached up and wiped at his cheeks with a sad smile. "Me neither," she said, and led him back into the house. Sakura told him to sit at the table while she made some tea, and it was silent between the two of them for a long while.

Even after the tea was drunk and the cups washed and put back, they sat silently together. What else could be said?

They both failed.

* * *

><p>The sun rose and set, and rose and set, again and again. A week turned into two, which turned into a month. Sasuke didn't come back. Naruto knew it was foolish, but he still thought that Sasuke would return. He wouldn't take a mission that lasted more than a day, and the rest of the time he stayed at Sasuke's house, listening and waiting for the door to open.<p>

He read and reread the note that Sasuke tried to leave for him. Again and again until it stopped meaning what it had once. Until the words ceased to stop his heart every time he read them. Once, he almost asked Sakura if Sasuke had left her a note, something that might help Naruto understand why he had left.

But she never mentioned receiving anything like that. She actually never even mentioned if she's met up with Sasuke the day he'd left.

At least, Naruto had the scent. The bed still smelled like Sasuke, and that was enough for now.

* * *

><p>After another month passed without even a rumor of where Sasuke could have gone, more of his friends came by to offer condolences and words of comfort. Naruto would always put on a happy face and say his thanks.<p>

"It's okay," he'd say, "Sasuke's gonna come back. He came back last time, and he'll be back again."

And they'd all smile sadly, knowing the truth, and leave quietly.

It was their silence, which was supposed to ease Naruto into the truth, that made Naruto believe even more. Because no one else believed in Sasuke, Naruto knew he'd have to believe even more.

When he lay alone in Sasuke's bed, though, he cried. He cried because two months had passed and even before when it had been almost three years, at least he knew where Sasuke was going. But still, no word.

There's only so far blind faith could take him. Naruto's gone pretty far on blind faith alone before, but at least before he'd seen where he needed to go first.

* * *

><p>After four months went by, Naruto stopped going outside. He was beginning to become desperate for Sasuke to come home, that he developed an irrational fear of leaving the house. What if he came home? Sasuke might leave again if Naruto wasn't there to keep him still, and that was a risk he wasn't going to take.<p>

Every so often, Sakura visited to make sure he was eating enough and sleeping enough. Naruto would always smile as best he could whenever she visited, because he knew what she was really checking up on. Not if he was healthy and nourished, because they both knew he hasn't been since Sasuke left and wouldn't be again until he came back.

No, Sakura came by every other day or so to make sure Naruto was still alive.

Sometimes, they would huddle together in the bed, silently remembering the good times. Back when the toughest thing to deal with was climbing a tree without using their hands. Back when she loved him and he loved her and he couldn't _stand_ either of them. Back when, even though they hated each other, they were still best friends, and they could rely on each other to always be there.

Soon, Naruto wasn't able to talk without stumbling over his words. Sakura understood everything he didn't say, and would turn away any visitors except for their closest friends.

* * *

><p>Naruto would, often, think about their relationship while he waited. It was one of the few things that made him smile anymore- ramen, visits from Sakura, and thinking about the good times he and Sasuke had.<p>

Even when it was raining, he could still smile a little when he remembered how they were. Actually, when it rained, it brought back the fondest of memories- a first between them of course, the first time Sasuke said "I love you." Naruto would always start out his reminiscing sessions with that memory, and work his way to the present. Sometimes, he'd think back to their time as Team 7, and even manage a chuckle as he remembered how they acted as kids.

It was so obvious, looking way back, how much they loved each other. Even if it had started out as a brotherly love, it didn't stay that way.

And even when he only went back a year or so, when they both finally became chuunin and then, jounin, and Naruto would still smile. Even though he knew he loved Sakura, he would end up next to Sasuke without thinking. And, even if Sasuke said over and over again that the two of them were still annoying, at the end of the mission, he always offer to walk both of them home.

Sasuke would always take Sakura home first. Then, they'd always take the long way around the village, Naruto remembered, to get to his place.

After awhile, Sakura smirked and told them that they could go on their walk right away, that she was a big girl and could make it home just fine without them. Sasuke shrugged as she walked away and Naruto realized it then- Sasuke had never intended the walk home for Sakura.

And, even when the six-month point had come and gone, Naruto still believed that Sasuke would come home and they'd take walks around the village again, just like they had so long ago. They'd go out for ramen every Thursday night, take A-rank missions with Sakura, hold hands and kiss when no one else was watching, and go stargazing twice a week. Just like before.

All he had to do was wait.

* * *

><p>Seven months, one week, two hours, and fourteen minutes since Sasuke had closed the door behind him and left Naruto alone.<p>

It took a bit of thinking, but counting the time kept Naruto sane.

Finally, though, he left the house. He didn't want to, but he felt that if Sasuke came home to see Naruto in such a slump, he'd be just as angry as when he left.

_Wait… was he even angry when he left?_

So Naruto got Sakura to go on a nice, easy C-rank mission, for the sake of getting out and doing something. Of course, Sakura was more than willing to see Naruto out of the house, and she left with him on an easy escort mission. The guy they were guarding was just trying to get home in once piece, didn't have a price on his head, and wanted a little extra protection. He had a baby on the way, or something like that.

It only took a week to get him out to the edge of the Land of Fire and get back to the village. But it was long enough for Naruto to realize that he had been missing out on a lot. He'd forgotten that he and Sakura made a good team.

Sakura was so happy that he was back to being himself that she stopped visiting. They were seeing each other on missions, so she left him alone the rest of the time. Naruto didn't mind. It just meant he had more time with Sasuke's memory.

Naruto was convinced that Sasuke would come home. Just, now, he wasn't going to sit and wait for it to happen. He was certain that it would happen in it's own time. But, Sasuke had to know for sure: they _would_ meet again.

* * *

><p>A year. Last time, when the one-year mark had passed, Naruto trained even harder that day and drank enough sake that night that Jiraiya had to intervene to keep the thirteen-year-old Naruto from finding comfort in the wrong places. This time, when the time came, Sakura worried for Naruto, feeling that something bad was going to happen.<p>

It did.

The first rumor of Sasuke's whereabouts came that day, around noon.

He lay, dying, in a small village in the Lightning Country. At least, that's what the message read. Speculation among the jounin spread the rumor a little more, though it was undecided if Sasuke was dying or already dead; or, even, if he was there at all. No one could imagine that Sasuke would have wandered that far, let alone let himself fall to something as trivial as _death_. Not now; he was far too young.

It wasn't supposed to reach Naruto's ears. But Naruto had taken to strolling around the village during the day, and had overheard it while out for a bowl of ramen.

He couldn't remember a time when he was so scared.

Could Sasuke really be… dead?

Not coming home?

Ever?

* * *

><p><em>Show me once again<em>

_That you will love me 'til the death_

_And should I die you swear that you will come for me_

_As I fade away_

_You reach out your hands_

* * *

><p>Sakura spent her time next to Naruto after the third suicide attempt. He lay healing in the hospital and she refused to leave him alone for a second. If she absolutely had to leave the room, she made sure that Sai or another of their friends was watching him.<p>

At least they were on the first floor. He could try jumping out the window like he did the second time, and the most he'd get was maybe a bruise.

But, for once, he wasn't healing as fast as he should. This was _Naruto_, mister I'll-break-my-arm-and-be-fine-within-a-few-days. The slices on his body should have healed by now. Sakura was worried that he might never heal, because cuts like these should have healed completely by now. But Naruto'd been in the hospital for two days, and the cuts still hadn't even begun to heal.

Sakura feared that Naruto was giving up, and his body was, too.

Three more times he'd was released from the hospital, his body finally giving in to the medical jutsus long enough for him to convince the staff that he was well enough to leave, and then by the next day, he'll have tried some new way to try and end his life. Three more times he cried with Sakura about wanting to see Sasuke again.

"Why do you keep healing me?" he whispered after the sixth time he lay in the same bed, this time soaking wet as he'd tied rocks to his feet and stepped into the lake behind Sasuke's house. Whatever higher powers were looking out for them, Sakura thanked them endlessly that Kiba and Hinata had visited when they did.

"Because you need to be strong for when he comes home!" Sakura cried.

"But he's not," Naruto coughed. "He's never coming home. It doesn't matter how much I think of him, he's never thought of me as his home. He'll never come home to me." Then he cried silently and slipped asleep.

* * *

><p><p>

Sakura had fallen asleep, too. She figured Naruto was too weak from almost drowning to try and run again that she could spare a few minutes. When she opened her eyes it was dark and someone had put a blanket around her shoulders.

There was a silent silhouette on the other side of the bed, gently holding Naruto's hand. Sakura lifted her head off the bed a little to try and get a better look, but the man spoke before she could see who it was.

"I did this, didn't I?"

_Sasuke…_

"I didn't mean to," he said, and Sakura could almost hear the pain in his voice. "If I'd known that he'd take it this hard, I never would have left."

Naruto slept on, oblivious to all of this, though he seemed to be leaning towards Sasuke in his sleep.

"Please, Sakura, how bad has it been?"

She frowned and lifted her head off the bed completely and sat up in her chair.

"Sakura?"

"He heard a rumor that you were dead or dying. This is his sixth attempt," she said quietly. "You should, someday soon, thank Kiba and Hinata for pulling him out of the water when they did, or he'd be in the ground instead of a hospital bed."

She looked past him, out the window. "Why?"

Sasuke didn't answer. He laid down next to Naruto, pulled the blond into his arms and slept peacefully for the first time in a year.

* * *

><p>Everything went back to normal…<p>

Actually, it tried to. On the surface, everything went back to normal. Behind closed doors, Sasuke couldn't spend an hour without apologizing. Either to Naruto for causing him so much grief, or to Sakura for having to take care of Naruto. Both of them would just smile and tell him off, simply glad to have him back.

But, when it was just Sakura and Sasuke, she told him she'd never forgive him for doing that to Naruto. Again. At least before, he had some twisted reason for leaving. Even two years later, he wouldn't tell Sakura why he'd left this time, and she told him that until she had a reason, there was no hope for him ever being truly forgiven.

When it was just Sasuke and Naruto, he'd bury his face in Naruto's lap and beg for forgiveness, but Naruto would answer every time that Sasuke had been forgiven the moment he left. It was just a matter of time. And then, Sasuke would kiss him slowly and swear it wouldn't happen again. They'd take long walks around the village and go out for ramen once a week and hold each other as they watched the skies at night, and Naruto knew that they were both finally home again.

* * *

><p>It was three years after Sasuke came home the second time when, finally, Sakura found out what Sasuke had left for. And, why he had to travel to the Lightning country to get it. And, she finally forgave him.<p>

Naruto could proudly stand beside Sasuke, knowing they were both perfect for each other. Perfect for the village. And he sported a ring with a diamond whose spark was forged from Lightning, standing beside Sasuke for the rest of their lives.

No one else mattered. Naruto saw only Sasuke, and Sasuke saw only Naruto.

Only once, Naruto woke from a fretful dream and for a horrifying second didn't feel Sasuke beside him. But Sasuke turned over, wrapped his arm around Naruto's waist, and whispered, "I'm still here, Naruto," and Naruto calmed down.

And then, Naruto fell asleep again with Sasuke pressed up against him, and Sasuke began to feel the guilt that still plagued him. "I'll never leave you again," Sasuke said.


End file.
